A ‘Dye Hard’ choice

It’s a tough choice to make to stop colouring your hair. Especially when you’ve been doing it for decades. It’s the bungee-jump of vanity.

It means a changed ‘identity’ or rather,  a change in how others will see and recognise you.

The payoff is, that for once, you will see your authentic self and embrace the real you.

I inherited my silver grey hair from my Dad’s side of the family. For years I coloured my hair, feeling ashamed of going grey in my early thirties. Colouring your hair was the ‘done thing’.

Ditching the dye

The logistics of dyeing your hair is one aspect of the false reality of trying to fit in with what you think society finds acceptable.

When I started colouring my hair in my twenties, it started off with colour rinses. Many of us can remember the Clairol and Harmony ads. Models sporting beautiful rich colours in their free-flowing locks, sparkling white smiles, happy laughing faces in the company of a similarly happy and good-looking partner.

I mean, which twenty-year-old back in the eighties wouldn’t have aspired to such bliss from a bottle?

The roots of discontent

It wasn’t long before a hairstylist had me tinting my hair with permanent colour. Those of us who have been there, know only too well the curse of regrowth and regular maintenance, and the cost. For some, too, the related health and allergy issues.

Even worse for me – was the horror of the home dye jobs … eeeuw. When the cost of the salon became too exorbitant because of the constant regrowth, I started colouring at home.

The trial and error of getting the right product, colour and consistency was a nightmare. The logistics of tinting my hair at home was just horrendous. Stained towels and tops and, of course, the result of the home colour hair job – either shades of purple or orange, or somewhere inbetween!

As my hair colour faded, people would start saying, “Shame, you look tired…”. And then I knew, once again, it was time.

Autumn – a time for letting go

In May 2010 I felt I had had enough. My neighbour at the time, Anne, was my inspiration. (See Anne’s story further on).

I saw a strange woman driving Anne’s car into the complex one day. Only to realise that it was indeed Anne, with all the colour stripped out of her hair! She had made the decision to ditch the dye and let her beautiful white hair be her crowning glory. I saw that this was possible and felt less afraid and more determined.

“Authenticity: The courage to be yourself.” Anonymous

Nonetheless, I was still cautious, and used a hair app to see how I would look with a lighter colour hair. Back in 2010, there wasn’t even a grey or silver colour as an option… The closest I could find was a platinum blonde to give me an indication of what I might look like. I was surprised to see that, indeed, this could work.

Together with my hairdresser at the time, we worked on a strategy for growing out the years of colour. We had no idea what was below the colour. All we could see was the rapid regrowth which was grey. No guesses there.

The relief of making the decision

Once the decision was made it was a huge relief.

So the process began. It was very scary to think about going grey at a time when it was not in fashion. What would people think? What would I look like? Oh, and did I mention – what would people think …?

We always care too much about what other people think. Even although I had some friends who begged me not to do it, I forged ahead.

“Don’t trade your authenticity for approval.” Anonymous

Coming out

And so, I gradually came out. Every cut and session of lowlights, and later highlights, revealed my natural colour – which was beautiful.

My skin tone came alive. I was able to wear colours I had never worn before. I changed my jewellery, makeup, and wardrobe colours as the real me started emerging. People told me I looked younger.

“If you’re your authentic self, you have no competition.” Anonymous

A powerful new me

The best part of this brave act was the courage it gave me to see that I could make difficult choices and see them through.

I cared less about what people thought and cared more about how I felt. This was at a time when it was not fashionable to be grey.  I felt liberated.

“Authenticity is magnetic.” Anonymous

My top tips

What is important is to have a good cut, so that you have an edgy style and not a frumpy look.

And, of course, a great silver shampoo. My friend, Gloria, (see her story below) bought me my first silver shampoo before she even started her journey to natural grey.

My favourite product is L’ANZA Healing Colorcare Silver Brightening Shampoo. People still ask me if I colour my hair silver. I’m so chuffed when I say that it’s my natural colour.

Anne’s Story

I had reached the point where I was colouring my hair every week! My hair grows quickly, and I always had regrowth which looked horrendous especially on windy days!

I decided to have all the artificial colour stripped from my hair and went white (my natural colour) in a few hours. It was a shock to the system and I often had regrets and wanted to start colouring again.

But the freedom I gained…. being comfortable with myself, accepting that my hair was really beautiful (thanks Mom and Dad), not having the weekly chore of colouring, not worrying about what people thought…. what a release!!

“When you are authentic, you create a certain energy, people want to be around you because you are unique.” Andie MacDowell

One of my Best Decisions

I can honestly say it was one of the best decisions I have made in my life! I am free.

I have a number of friends that have followed, and they all look so beautiful and quite amazing.  If I could inspire more women (and men) to do the same, then I’m happy to share my journey!

And I got married on 21 March this year which is proof that I am loved for who I am.

ANNE’S TOP TIP

My advice is to keep your style current and trendy, have it cut often and just flaunt it – not everyone is blessed with white hair.

It’s not just about the colour, is it? It’s about acceptance and loving ourselves the way we are, a beautiful creation.

“Authenticity is more than speaking; Authenticity is also about doing. Every decision we make says something about who we are.” Simon Sinek

Gloria’s Story

Around 2011 or so I began to react to the dye used to colour my hair. I had started to grey when I was in my late 20s and had been dyeing for a long time. But it wasn’t worth the cortisone!

The problem is my hair was dyed so dark (above), that regrowth looked like a zebra (no, no photo of this ugly scenario). In 2015, I moved home and my new hairdresser suggested bleaching my hair to lighten the dark bits and grow it out. I did it. Hated it.

So then I went back to my old hairdresser (despite the distance) who shrieked, and then said no, we will use low lights to allow the grey to grow in naturally and reduce them as it grows. Cut it shorter, did the low lights, and a year later was completely grey. As you can see, not only is it grey, but my curly hair has become SUPER curly!

GLORIA’S BEST BENEFITS

Benefits? Cheap as chips and no more scalp cortisone.

Social inspiration

There is a growing global movement for people to ditch the dye. Social media pages and accounts are burgeoning with inspirational stories and support for those undertaking what can be a long and sometimes discouraging journey.

Mostly, people in social media communities share that they find the stereotypically ageist comments of others particularly hurtful. Strangely enough, a lot of these comments come from older people. Probably a residue of an era where social constructs about appearances and pleasing people were firmly entrenched.

Facebook pages such as @gogrombre and Silver Revolution abound and there are some pretty inspirational stories to be found amongst the regrowth.

Instagram hashtags such #greyhair #grayhair #greyhairdontcare #greyhairmovement  provide plenty of support and motivation as people make the brave move to grow out their hair. Never has grey hair been so cool.

“Authenticity requires a certain measure of vulnerability, transparency, and integrity.” Janet Louise Stephenson

Sooo, are you ready to be the authentic you? Be inspired. Ditch the dye. You’re worth it.

“The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.” Friedrich Nietzsche